It’s hard to talk about feelings.

For quite a while, “talking about our feelings” has been held up as the ultimate goal in communication. Personally and professionally.

The highest achievement that we are about to clear all the hurdles and about to make something really great happen in our relationship.

But if talking about our feelings was the magic answer, why is it so hard?
Why does it so often lead to much more conflict, disappointment, anger and disconnection – and not get us closer to what we want?

Because when it comes to talking about our feelings, many of us never learn how to do it effectively and productively. We blame others for our feelings.  Or we mix-up our messy feelings with our complicated thoughts. And what we end up saying or doing, isn’t helping us.

A little clarification. We want to feel our feelings. Feel them deeply.
Identify our feelings. Know our feelings. Discern our feelings from our thoughts. Soothe, comfort, celebrate and savor our feelings.
Feel them again and again. Always.

Then, we can learn a new way to talk about our feelings.

After we talk about our values.

Why?

Because describing our values -- essentially what we care about within a brief moment or within an entire relationship -- reminds us of why we want to talk at all.

And chances are that we begin by discovering we have something in common.